Pulling Leo Out of Pre-K: The 4-Year-Old Travel Window

Leo is four. He's in pre-K three mornings a week at a small program ten minutes from our house. He likes it well enough. The director is a saint. And — I have to be honest — I am pulling him out at every available opportunity this year, because next year is kindergarten and the year after that is first grade, and the calculus on "do we go to Amsterdam on a Tuesday" gets harder every September.

This is a quieter version of an argument another mom on this blog has been making more loudly about pulling older kids out of school. I think she's right, broadly — but I want to add a corollary: do it twice as much when they're four. The window is small, the consequences are zero, and the kid who sleeps on the plane is never going to sleep on a plane this well again.

Why Pre-K Is the Free Year

Pre-K, in our district, is essentially structured play with letter recognition built in. He is not behind if he misses a Tuesday. He is not behind if he misses a Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday. The director, when I told her in September that Leo would be missing a non-trivial number of days this year, didn't even blink — she said "travel is a great teacher, send postcards." We send postcards. The class is delighted by them.

Compare that to Ella's first grade, where missing two days requires the worksheet packet, the email exchange, the make-up reading log. I'm not against it — I do it — but it's a transaction. Pre-K isn't.

What This Year Has Actually Looked Like

Some specific Leo trips, in no particular order:

A random Tuesday in October to Amsterdam. Two nights. Just me and Leo (Dave kept Ella at home, took the train into the city like normal). We rented bikes with a kid seat, we went to the small science museum at NEMO, we ate stroopwafels until I had a stomachache. He still talks about the canals.
A Wednesday-Friday in Munich with Brigitte while Dave and Ella went on a long-planned daddy-daughter weekend in Vermont. Three days, no stress, Leo charmed Brigitte's mother-in-law into giving him an entire pack of Haribo.
A Thursday-Sunday in Lisbon as a family — yes, Ella missed Thursday and Friday, the worksheet packet was gentle, the trip was great.
A two-day Iceland layover tacked onto a longer Munich trip in March. Leo at four years old saw the Northern Lights from a hot pool. He probably won't remember. I do.

The Sleeps-on-Planes Argument

Leo sleeps on planes the way I once slept on couches in college — instantly, totally, and with no awareness of his surroundings. The flight attendants have, on multiple occasions, asked if he was okay because he hadn't moved in five hours. He was great.

This is not going to last. Ella, at six, used to sleep on planes like this. Now she watches movies the entire flight. The window where one of your children is a horizontal nap machine and the other is a developed conversationalist is brief and you should weaponize it.

The Logistics of a Four-Year-Old's Travel Year

If I were starting from scratch, here's how I'd structure it:

Pick three big trips, four short ones. The big trips are the school holidays — President's Weekend, Easter, NJEA, summer. The short ones are random Tuesdays and Wednesdays you steal.
Don't burn vacation days you'll need later. Dave works from "home" (read: a hotel in Munich) on at least two days of every trip. His office doesn't care.
Travel light. A 4-year-old needs less than you think. Leo's packing list for three days in Amsterdam: two outfits, the elephant, a toothbrush, a hat. That's it.
Direct flights only when possible. EWR to Munich, EWR to Amsterdam, EWR to Lisbon. The connection is what kills you.

The Older-Kid Compromise

I will say: when Ella is on the trip, the math gets more careful. I am the mom who emails the teacher. I am the mom who asks for the worksheet packet. I am the mom who has a frank conversation with myself about whether the trip is worth the day missed in first grade. The answer is usually yes — but it's a calculation, not a default.

For Leo, alone, this year? It's a default. Tuesday flight. We go.

The Real Reason

I'm aware this whole post sounds like a strategic argument and I want to be honest about the real thing underneath: Leo is four for a year. He is going to be four exactly once. The version of him that thinks the airplane is the destination, that holds my hand on the moving walkway like it's the Coney Island parachute ride, that pronounces *Brez'n* better than I do — that kid is around for about ten more months.

I am not going to spend that ten months optimizing for pre-K attendance.

The teacher asked Leo, on his first day back from Amsterdam, what his favorite thing was. He said "the bikes that ring." She told me later it was the best answer she'd had all year.

I'll get more careful with first grade. I'll get even more careful with second. By the time both kids are in real school I'll be the mom who plans around the calendar like a logistics officer. But this year, with one kid four and the other six, I'm choosing the trip every time it's offered. The window is small. Use it.